Second Thoughts
by Bonehead XL
Summary: Part stream of thought, part straight prose. Sora discovers she doesn't like herself much anymore and embarks on a strange journey of selfdiscovery.
1. Adult Minded

**Adult Minded/Second Thoughts**

By

**Bonehead XL**

Little children running around in a circle, holding each other's hands and singing.

"Rain, rain, rain, go away. Come again another day."

:Dancing and singing in the rain. It was a simpler time, before you had to worry. Children's lives are bright and colorful. But older people's lives are gray and dark. Gray explains it all. Gray. Gray, damn it! Why can't it just all go away? I'm telling it to go away. Now! Don't make me beat you off with a stick! I just wish we could run away and start a new life. **…..** Can I get some sleep now:

Sora opened her eyes and saw the ceiling fan. She looked over at the alarm clock. Four in the morning. Great big red numbers looking at her. She couldn't sleep because of the dreams. She didn't like the way those dreams made her feel. Made her feel dirty and unclean. People say it's just normal, but it still made her feel bad. She sat up in bed and looked around. Stuffed animals, C.D. player, and a dresser where just a few of the things she saw. The room looked a dark shade of purple at night. Made her feel nervous, like something would jump out of the shadows and yell 'Boo!"

Wow! I hate the color purple. Maybe I should redecorate.

She looked over at the calendar on the wall. It was the first day of the last month of summer. Not much had happened over the past three months. Same old crap. Go to the digital world every week to make sure that an evil wasn't going to destroy the world any time soon. Byomon said she had a crush on Agumon. Sora said that it was "cute". What she wanted to say was that love was stupid. In the end one person got hurt.

All guys' care about is sex anyway.

Sure, her and Matt were young, but you'd be surprised how many times he tried to make a move on her. Well, depending on your age and gender your may not be surprised. There was always Tai.

Why would Tai be any better? I've heard Kari talk about Tai's "collection." Stupid guys. Stupid Tai. Maybe I should try girls. Mimi always seemed nice. Her body isn't bad either. Wait! What am I saying! Am not gay…. Am I?

Sora lay back down on her bed and closed her eyes.

I'll just have the dreams again. I'm sitting her talking about how guys think about sex to much, yet I don't want to go to sleep because I don't want to have a…. bad dream. I'm messed up. Maybe I need drugs. Drugs and a big bowl of ice cream. A real life wouldn't hurt either.

She couldn't hold her eyes opens any longer. She was too tired to do much of anything any more. Even think. She closed her eyes and fell asleep.

The sharp buzzing of the alarm clock filled Sora's ears. She mindlessly slapped her hand around on the bedside counter until she found the snooze button.

Snooze! I need more snooze!

Fifteen minutes later the buzzing filled her ears again. This time she sat up in bed and coherent thoughts filled her head.She lifted up the covers and saw that everything was dry. She let out a sigh of relief.

Oh, there is a God, and he likes me!

Sora turned off her alarm clock got dressed and went down stairs. She found the house empty. She walked into the kitchen and saw a note stuck to the fridge. It read: "Went out to the store, be back soon. Water the flowers. Mom"

All alone

Flowers were her mother's life. Sora really didn't mind watering them every now and then, but sometimes she would wishes that her mother would spend more time with her then with her flowers.

She said she would change. She said she would spend more time with me. You know, forget the stupid flowers. Just forget the whole damn thing

(First sign)

Sora sat down on the couch and looked up at the ceiling fan.

Those things are in every room. Why can't we just get AC. Wouldn't that be easier? I should just stop trying to figure out everyone, give up on them! No, I shouldn't say things like that. This whole digi-destine thing has taught me that you should never give up hope.

She looked at the ceiling fan again. Spinning and spinning. But no matter how much she focused on the fan her mind kept wondering to what she said. She thought how wrong it is. How stupid it sounded.

There is always hope. Yeah, maybe in fairy tales. But this is real life! Things get fucked up and there's nothing you can do about it. No, that's just not…. Shut up, Sora! Life isn't how you want it to be. Are you just gonna' sit back and let that kill you slowly? I think it's about time you do something about it! Forget em' all! Let em' rot in hell! Why should you care? They're not important anymore! I only need my self.

(Second sign)

She ran into her room and locked the door. She looked through her dressing until she found something that work for her mood. She undressed then put on her new outfit. She then threw on some black lipstick and smiled at her reflection in the mirror. She then looked at herself. Things had change. Her hair looked a darker color, her skin looked paler. Everything about her seemed to become darker in mood.

(Third sign)

She headed for the door, and grabbed some extra cash on the way out.

Under the flowerpot closest to the door. And Mom thought I didn't know where she hid the extra spending money.

Then she was out of the house. She looked to the left and saw no sign of Mom. She then ran down the street, as fast as she could. She knew where she was going. Just a little further up the street.

Sora's mom pulled into the driveway and walked into the house. As soon as she entered she could feeling something wrong in the air.

"Sora!" She yelled, but no one answered. "Where did she go now?" She muttered to her self.

(Stop Sign)


	2. My Little Goth Girl

**My Little Goth Girl**

_By_

**Bonehead XL**

Sora laughed as a sense of freedom filled her. She didn't have to run anymore. She wasn't Sora anymore. She didn't have to worry about that. She was her own person. She kept on walking until she found it. The little club where Matt and his tune-deaf band was playing. Oh, it was time to have some fun.

She walked into the club. Matt was on stage tuning his guitar, he looked up to see a girl with dark red hair, wearing a black tank top, black cargo pants, and a lot of jewelry enter the club. She looked vaguely familiar, like someone he once knew wrapped in a new outfit. He searched his mind for someone who matched. Then it hit him.

"Sora?"

Matt put down his guitar and jumped off the stage. He walks over to the table where she just sat down.

"Sora, is that you?" Ask Matt.

"Maybe." The girl retorts.

Matt looked the girl over. Could this be Sora? Could this little goth girl be Sora? He looked her in the eyes and searched for that signal of compassion, that ray of hope, which was always in Sora's eyes.

He couldn't find it.

"What are you looking at?" The strange girl asks.

"Oh, nothing." Matt says as he snaps back to reality. He sits down at the table. "Is that you Sora?"

"I thinking of changing it to Sonya, or maybe Sakura. Something with more of an edge. Something a little more sexy." Says the strange little girl.

"It is you!" Matt said, with some relief. That relief was quickly washed away. Matt didn't like that Sora had done this to herself. Why? "Okay, Sora. What's with the goth get-up?"

"I don't know what you're talking about. I still look like me, don't I?" The strange girl said with a form of sarcasm in her voice.

"No, you don't. I don't get it. You don't look like yourself. You look like…" Matt scanned his brain for the right words.

"Someone else?" Added the strange girl.

"Yeah. It's like you wanted to remove yourself from everything that made you, you." Said Matt.

"Maybe you should get over it." States the strange girl calmly.

"Will you stop it? Stop talking down to me! I'm not an idiot, Sora! Will you just tell me what's going on and stop acting like such a smart ass?" Matt said in a low whisper. He was getting anger, but he didn't want to attract attention to them.

The strange girl simply smiled at him, coyly.

"You just want to pull my chain, don't you?" Matt stated softly.

"Maybe I do. What's your point? I think you need to realize that people change sometimes. It happens. Did you expect me to stay the same?" Questioned the strange little girl.

Matt was left, a gasp, at just what happened. He was beaten. Some girl who might have been his girlfriend knocked him right on his ass. He wasn't sure. The only thing he could do right now was be shocked.

The strange girl lefted Matt in his confusion. Sora wouldn't have been able to do that. Sora wouldn't have had the guts to show Matt a thing or two. But whoever this new person was, she was glad she had the guts. She was edgy; she was everything Sora wanted to be. Everything… Sora?

Who was she? Doubt filled her mind. What was going on? She was confused. Yeah, this was fun. But what about Mom? What about Tai? What about everybody?

No! She couldn't let other people's feelings bother her. She was alone. She was by herself. She was a strange little girl in a strange land. She was strange, little and lost. She wasn't independent. She was just scared. She couldn't leave it behind. She couldn't start a new. She was stuck with it. She was stuck with Sora as long as she lived.

_She could never be happy because everyone else was more important. _

She cried. She was her own winter. She cared more about other people then herself. This was the reason she has this stupid symbol of love imbedded into her brain. She loves everyone else more then herself.

She walked home. The horrible truth on her shoulders. The awful reason why she is such a good person. She couldn't be anyone other then Sora, the doormat, because she cared just too much.

But that little thing in her eyes shown through. Maybe she could be happy knowing that she could make everyone else happy.

The strange little girl, who wasn't strange anymore, went home. She found her mother's flowers un-watered and uncared for. She decided to water them.

_Love (luv_) _n_. _warm affection_

**_Fin_**


End file.
